Getting back on the bike: A lesson in resilience

I used to be a triathlete. That statement tends to shock the shit out of most people in the sense that the name ‘Laura” and the word “triathlete” used in the same sentence are perceived as a complete contradiction!

But it is true. I have competed in a few Olympic distance triathlons and even participated in half-Ironman events in Australia and overseas. I’ve even completed a half marathon – sure I took the whole time allocation to do it, but I still got the same t-shirt and finisher medal as the person who came fourth! Plus, I also got a whole heap of great photos because, as it turns out, the on course photographers get to take much better pictures of competitors when there is nobody else around them. True story.

I have always been a swimmer (lifesaving and waterpolo were my sports) but I was never a cyclist or a runner. As a swimmer, I run ‘like a turtle wading through peanut butter.’ But, I learned to ride a bike and to run (properly) at age 39. I took up triathlon at 40.

And I gave it up at 44. Of course there is a story there but I’ll leave that for another time.

The point of this yarn, however, is that I have not been on my trusty road bike for about 6 years. Until today. I became another ‘Corona comeback’ cyclist.

And, can I tell you it was great! More importantly, it was nowhere near as bad of an experience as I thought it would be.

But even more significant than that was what this experience reminded me about myself.

Now, I have never been a confident cyclist. I guess that comes from learning to cycle late in life but I also think that me being a fairly risk averse person, that this ‘anxiousness’ contributes to my lack of bravado. For me, getting out on the road is a really big deal – it terrifies me - but I know inherently that once I settle into the rhythm of the ride, I tend to relax and find it joyful.

So, after 6 years off the bike, today, I got back on.

You may ask, why is that such a big deal? And fair enough, bike riding has become seemingly everyone’s exercise of choice in this COVID-19 existence.

But for me, getting out on my bike in these crazy times was particularly symbolic and very cathartic.

Why? Well...firstly getting out of the compound was particularly exciting!

Secondly, getting back on my road bike, and all the complexities that represent to me (fear of clipping in, gears, tyre pressure etc etc) I was reminded that no matter how difficult a challenge is for me, I have the ability to overcome my fear and my anxiety and conquer it. I can learn new things, move out of my comfort zone and take risks and it all works out fine, in fact, life is even better than before.

I have conquered something hard before and I can do it again.

Like many, I became a ‘COVID-19’ statistic when my role was made redundant about 3 weeks ago. I also have a family, a mortgage and the same financial pressures we all face in these ‘mid-life’ years. I also loved my job and was bloody good at it and so it was a bit of a shock to feel that my employer did not value that or my contribution. I’ve been rattling those emotions around in my head since it happened. The experience gave my self-confidence and feeling of self-worth a little bit of a shake.

But over the last week I have started to realise that while I have gone through a pretty shitty situation, I am more than capable of changing that situation too. And everything I need to do that is within me. I just needed to give myself a chance to remind myself of that. And my bloody bike, still sitting in the corner taunting me after so many years, was just what I needed.

What getting back on my bike has reminded me is that I am an incredibly resilient person and that my confidence can take a little denting (there’s nothing like a ‘unclipping incident’ to shatter ones confidence!!) but I can overcome all of this . IF I allow myself to overcome it.

I just have to get back on the bike.

Cycling reminded me of many of the personal attributes that I possess that will get me through these crazy times and the feelings I have been experience.

It reminded me that I can learn new things at any age. What a gift!

It also reminded me that I have faced these emotions of fear and anxiety before and that once the initial ‘shock’ washes over, these emotions eventually settle and there is joy to be found. The joy of achievement and accomplishment. The joy of freedom. These feelings pave the way for new goals to be set that foster those feelings of joy - much like I experienced when learning to ride a bike; realising that I loved the experience and, from that feeling, setting goals for longer rides to bring more of that joy into my life.

And that was my lesson yesterday. I have been in situations like the one I/we are in now and have risen a better version of myself, with more experiences under my belt to draw from when I need to. The learning from these experiences are what builds our resilience, but you have to give your self the opportunity to remind yourself of that. The feelings aren't new. We are simply experiencing them in a different way.

That’s the ‘leading from within’ piece. Nobody else can do this work for you. I had to do it for me. I got out of my comfort zone and placed myself in a situation that was familiar to me but still terrifying. I used it to remind me of my immense courage; my capacity to learn new things; my ability to overcome my own emotions and grow exponentially; and my ability to set new goals and achieve them. These are all personal attributes that I have within me to be able to move myself forward.

And yep, I got all of this just from getting back on my bike. Sure, my bike fitness was terrible but my emotional fitness is far more intact than I thought and I am one tough cookie!

We all have at least one story in us that we have learned from and has shaped our resilience. The difficult times are when we most need to draw on them and use them to our advantage.

What’s yours?